Zuraen
I didn’t know I had ADHD until way later in life. Like, adult life. I used to think I was just bad at things. Like, really bad at managing time, remembering stuff, finishing tasks, staying still, being “normal.”
You know, all the things people seem to be able to do effortlessly? Yeah, I was failing every unspoken life test, and no one told me why.
Turns out, it wasn’t laziness. It wasn’t carelessness. It was ADHD.
And let me tell you a harsh truth, having ADHD is like trying to tune in your radio but the radio is like, changing stations on it’s own.
The Chaos ADHD Causes
People assume ADHD looks like bouncing off the walls. Like being loud or hyperactive. But mine doesn’t look like that. Mine looks like zoning out mid-conversation and nodding even though I didn’t catch a word. It looks like struggling to do the simplest task, like washing dishes or replying to a message and feeling crushed under the guilt of not doing it. It looks like being so deeply focused on a random task (alphabetizing books, researching 18th-century poetry for no reason) that I forget to eat. Or sleep. Or move.
Some days, I feel like I’m flying. Like my brain is electric. I write a storm, think in spirals, dream in technicolor. I can hyper-focus and pour out entire essays in one sitting, effortlessly. But then other days, I can’t even open a Google Doc. I’ll stare at the screen, overwhelmed by the idea of starting. Not the task itself, just starting.
There’s always noise in my head. Thoughts chasing each other. Ideas. Worries. Reminders. And not one of them will sit still. It’s a miracle I get anything done at all.
School Was A Battlefield
School was hard. Not academically, I could write essays in my sleep and still top the class.
But focusing during lessons? Forgetting entire assignments?
Zoning out during lectures and then pretending I understood? I was winging it half the time. I’d write entire papers the night before and somehow still do okay. Everyone thought I was lazy or just too creative to follow rules. No one realized my brain was literally doing its own thing, on its own terms.
The Shame Spiral Of ADHD
The worst part of ADHD honestly, is the shame. You’re constantly disappointing people in small, invisible ways.
You forget plans, you double-book, you don’t reply to a friend for three days and then feel like the worst person alive. It makes you feel broken. Like no matter how hard you try, it’s never enough.
But there’s something no one tells you: you are trying.
My Coping Strategies
These days, I’m slowly learning to adapt. I have systems. Timers. Sticky notes on sticky notes.
My Notes app is a battlefield. I romanticize routines even if I rarely follow them. I keep a “done list” instead of just a to-do list because sometimes we forget we did anything at all.
Body-doubling helps.
Having a friend on a call while we both do our own thing. Music without lyrics. Rewarding myself for small wins. Rewriting my own narrative, less about “failing to focus,” more about honoring how my focus works.
Conclusion
ADHD makes my life harder sometimes. But it also makes me who I am. I feel everything deeply. I care hard, I think fast, love big, imagine vividly, I see connections others miss, I might take the scenic route in everything but that route is full of beauty.
So if you’re reading this and nodding quietly, feeling seen, hey.
You’re not alone, not broken.
You’re just wired in a different way and it is special in it’s own way.
Even if it means reheating your coffee three times and still forgetting to drink it.
Also Read: Anxiety – The Silent Storm
